#taskmaster quotes

[bebiggerontheinside]

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Ed Gamble: I'll tell you what Greg was doing while I was stealing those things; he was in his hot tub. Greg Davies: I would like to point out that my hot tub is an inflatable hot tub. I'm keeping it real.

Ed Gamble, Greg Davies (series 09, episode 07: A cuddle) Prize task.

[peristeronic665]

"it's probably that i'm not straight enough to appreciate rap"

-Greg Davies, Taskmaster Series 14, Episode 4, 40:19

[diascordium]

𝖄𝖔𝖚 𝖈𝖆𝖓'𝖙 𝖊𝖆𝖙 𝖎𝖈𝖊 𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖒 𝖜𝖍𝖎𝖑𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚'𝖗𝖊 𝖇𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖎𝖓 𝕳𝖊𝖑𝖑.

[gracieblood]

you’ve heard of perfectly cut screams, but “what a c📯📯📯” is even more perfect

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Mawaan Rizwan: It's just vast. Alex Horne: 'Vast.' Mawaan Rizwan: Are you writing that down? Alex Horne: If you say it, I have to write it down. Mawaan Rizwan: Croutons.

Mawaan Rizwan, Alex Horne (series 10, episode 01: God's haemorrhoid) Land the most egg in the frying pan.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Alex Horne: Why don't you ever talk to me at the beginning of these tasks? James Acaster: What? Alex Horne: I always say, 'Hello James.' You never say hello back. James Acaster: It's not in the task, is it? The task isn't 'Say hello to Alex'. Alex Horne: ... It'd be nice, though.

Alex Horne, James Acaster (series 07, episode 03: Twelve blush majesty two) Make the best noise.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Rhod Gilbert: With these tasks, you just panic. You just panic. It's blind panic. Greg Davies: It didn't look like blind panic. It looked like fairly structured torture.

Rhod Gilbert, Greg Davies (series 07, episode 03: Twelve blush majesty two) Excite Alex.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Greg Davies: Just while I'm thinking about this, erm- do you wanna explain 'Suck it'? James Acaster: Why I shouted, 'Suck it' at the end? I felt good. Greg Davies: Who was it directed at? James Acaster: Just everyone in general.

Greg Davies, James Acaster (series 07, episode 06: A coquettish fascinator) Put exactly 50 different things in the bin.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Kerry Godliman: This was really hard for me 'cos I love stationery. Greg Davies: What, you think I don't? Kerry Godliman: Well, I don't know if you love it as much as me. Greg Davies: Oh, I do. Kerry Godliman: 'Cos I love it the most. Greg Davies: I think I know what it is. As a stationery connoisseur, gut instinct tells me, 'cos I know what the king of the stationery items is... Kerry Godliman: Wouldn't it be wonderful if it's the same thing? Greg Davies: And I genuinely don't know what you brought in. Shall we say it together? Kerry Godliman: One, two, three... Both: A laminator.

Kerry Godliman, Greg Davies (series 07, episode 10: I can hear it gooping) Prize task.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Ah, just open the box, you pussy.

James Acaster (series 07, episode 04: Ollie) Prize task.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Alex Horne: What does BMX stand for, Joe? Joe Thomas: It stands for 'Bicycle, My X-cellent bicycle'.

Alex Horne, Joe Thomas (series 08, episode 04: The barrel dad)

Prize task.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Alex Horne: And how do you want the Taskmaster to transport the rest? James Acaster: If I was a removal man and then he was there going, 'Well, how do you want me to transport the rest?' I'd go, 'Up your ass. Smallest arse wins.'

Alex Horne, James Acaster (series 07, episode 06: A coquettish fascinator) Without breaking any of the pairs of glasses, put all the pairs of glasses into the smallest of these boxes.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Paul Williams: It's worth noting that, because of the tight turnaround between shoots she had to wear a wig in the last episode as well. Brynley Stent: Yeah, I got a lot of compliments on my new hairstyle. Guy Williams: Yeah, she told me it was a new haircut and I had to a awkwardly praise it. Then I felt bad 'cos Madeleine wasn't praising the new haircut enough. Madeleine Sami: I did think about it and I didn't wanna say anything 'cos I was like, 'That's bad!' Brynley Stent: Madeleine came in and went, 'Oh! Your hair!'

Paul Williams, Brynley Stent, Guy Williams, Madeleine Sami (series 01, episode 08: Sweaty socks and depression)

During the studio record for episode eight wear the most outlandish costume under your outfit.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Alex Horne: I think you know the show more than I know the show. James Acaster: I love it, I'm a big fan. That was a dream come true.

Alex Horne, James Acaster (series 07, episode 08: Mother honks her horn) Scream.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Greg Davies: Watching you argue whether a ladder is not a ladder is honestly like every conversation I've ever had with you. Rhod Gilbert: It's not. Greg Davies: There you go.

Greg Davies, Rhod Gilbert (series 07, episode 07: The perfect stuff) Throw something into the bin on the other side of this fence.